Why "Strong Woman" Doesn't Just Mean "Kickass"
***SPOILER AND TRIGGER WARNING*** This post contains extensive discussion of MTV's Sweet/Vicious, which means multiple spoilers and discussion of sexual assault.
What does it mean to you when you hear the words “strong woman”? You probably think of such characters as Black Widow, Sarah Connor, or any number of action heroes played by Angelina Jolie first, right? Maybe you think of Hermione Granger, Elizabeth Swann, Mulan, or Éowyn?
Probably who doesn’t come to your mind immediately are characters like Arwen, Angela Montenegro, or any member of the cast of The Golden Girls.
Maybe the phrase “strong woman” annoys you because you’re sick and tired of “woke” ideas being shoved down your throat. Probably it annoys you because that phrase threatens you (sorry to burst your bubble [not really]).
Maybe Arwen annoys you because in your mind she did nothing but pine after Aragorn. Maybe Angela annoys you because she’s not shy about her sexuality. On the other hand, Captain Marvel probably annoys you because she’s not sexy enough, or because she’s cocky (like we’re going to pretend Tony Stark isn’t?).
The point is, “strong woman” means something different to just about everyone, but culturally there is a pattern I’ve noticed where “strong woman” means “woman who can kick the ass of anyone she meets.” It’s black and white thinking. Either she’s weak and vulnerable or she’s capable of killing 100 men in 2 minutes.
Now let me be clear that I don’t totally subscribe to the notion that some people have about Rey where she’s not interesting because she doesn’t struggle to “earn” her abilities. First of all, I’d like to know what their definition of struggle is. Second of all, Anakin was just as powerful as her without “earning” it, but as is true everywhere in our culture, women can have everything that’s handed to men- but they have to earn it first.
But that’s not the issue I’m talking about. Arwen doesn’t do any fighting in The Lord of the Rings. Her story- at least what we see of it in this timeframe- centers around Aragorn. On the surface that sounds highly un-feminist, right? But when you dig a little deeper, you realize that the reality is she spends the entire trilogy being told that she should sail to the undying lands by Aragorn and her father- two men are making a decision for her that she doesn’t want to make. When she finds out that her father lied to her to get her to agree to leave, she comes storming back to Rivendell to tell him off, and practically forces him to reforge Isildur’s sword for Aragorn- rather, for Middle Earth. You see, without Arwen, Sauron may very well have won. I should also correct my earlier statement, because while she never clashes swords with anyone, there is almost no more badass a scene than her flight to the ford with nine Nazgül chasing after her. She wasn’t even afraid, and she used her wit and her magic to defeat them, and she saved Frodo’s life. And yet, some people don’t see Arwen as a “strong woman” character.
Culturally, when I say “strong woman”, a lot of people immediately go to women who fight. To be clear, these women are absolute powerhouses, and they are sorely needed (but I could do with less skin-tight body suits and hair flipping while they’re doing it. We’re not fighting for men’s pleasure). But in this assumption, I do feel like another kind of strength exists. Take the example I gave above; The Golden Girls. They never do any fighting. So what is it about them that makes them strong? All four of them are 100% in control of their own lives, their own bodies and sexualities, and while they relate to men (many, many, men, as Blanche said), they do not exist to serve them. They are not beholden to them. They are their own personalities, their own destinies, their own women. They don’t need men, but they choose to relate to them anyway. On that note, they also have vital, active lives that have nothing to do with the men they interact with. In short, though they talk about men a lot, the subject of men doesn’t make up the entirety of their conversations. This very thing is what I appreciate about Angela Montenegro, as well- and yet, I see so many people who dislike her because she is “overly sexual” or something like that. First of all, who decides what that even means? And second of all, women seem to have a very short leash when it comes to this. These same people also don’t seem to have a problem with Black Widow, and actually get pissed when you point out the over-sexualization of Black Widow and other women heroes in blockbuster movies like The Avengers. What’s the difference between me saying “overly sexual” and “over-sexualization”? The way I see the difference is that what I see people calling “overly sexual” is a woman in control of her sexuality, who isn’t shy about it, and enjoys it. It is for her. “Oversexualization” in my mind is the way women are characterized by men for men, and it has nothing to do with what women want. It is men seeing women as a sexual object. People are often threatened by “overly sexual” but don’t bat an eye at “oversexualization.”
On that note, in the beginning of the MCU’s run, Black Widow was not my favorite character for this reason. She was strong, but she was strong in the “male gaze.” Which isn’t to say that the male gaze is inherently bad, but it becomes bad when that is the only gaze we see, as has been true in Hollywood and beyond for hundreds of years (thousands actually). There really wasn’t much to Black Widow’s character that I could actually relate to as a woman. She was smart and could kick ass, I guess, but I didn’t really start to relate to her until we started to see the more vulnerable parts of her character, and how she got to where she is now.
See where I’m going with this?
In terms of female superhero characters, I latched onto Wanda Maximoff- because that poor girl is the definition of an empath, and she wanted to give up, overwhelmed by the pain she caused. But instead she chose to get back up, and not push away her feelings, but instead use them to her advantage. She wiped out most of Ultron’s army with the grief for her brother. I latched onto Captain Marvel, because despite what the internet dudes who have no concept of what it’s like to be a woman think, what I saw in her was the struggle every woman on the face of this planet suffers at the hands of men. “You’re not strong enough”- “you’re not pretty enough”- or the equally aggravating “you’re too pretty” - “give me a smile” - “control your emotions (translation, “you’re too emotional”) - “girls don’t do that” - “That’s boy stuff.” I wonder how many people caught the line “you do know why it’s called a cockpit, right?” Even if they did catch it, how many people understood the accuracy and the aggravation of that statement? I guarantee you every woman has heard some version of that statement or one just like it at least once in her life. I can also guarantee that every woman has secretly or otherwise fantasized about doing what Carol does to Yon-Ragg when he’s pontificating at her and she just blasts him to at least one man in her life. Captain Marvel wasn’t unrealistic. She was the most real superhero I’ve ever seen. And as for the “Mary Sue”-ers out there, the movie wasn’t about her learning to use her power. In fact, the whole point was she had this incredible power that she was unable to use because some man told her she wasn’t strong enough to wield it without his help.
Let’s pivot from the superhero angle for a moment. I have an example of one of the strongest women I’ve ever seen in a TV show, who perfectly encapsulates the point I’m making here. If you haven’t seen Sweet/Vicious, I highly recommend it! It’s about two women on a college campus who become vigilantes to avenge victims of sexual assault and other abuses. There is plenty of ass-kicking and awesome stunts, but the real point of the show is that, in fact, while it’s cool that Jules Thomas can take down several dudes at once, that isn’t where her true strength lies. In the show, Jules Thomas (Eliza Bennett) is the lead character- a sorority girl who becomes a vigilante on Darlington campus after being assaulted by her best friend’s boyfriend. She ends up meeting the campus weed dealer (Taylor Dearden) who figures out her secret, and they end up teaming up. Jules knows martial arts and all kinds of cool moves and takes down several guys who were accused of abuse but got away with it. Yet, ultimately part of why she’s doing this is so she doesn’t have to face her own pain and trauma from what happened to her. Through her friendship with Ophelia (the weed dealer), she starts to face it, and that’s where her true strength shines through. Her strongest moment isn’t when she beat up that guy in the alley, or when they took down the big basketball star. It wasn’t when she lost control and nearly beat a guy to death. It was when she wrote the name of her attacker on the wall (one of the most powerful moments in the show). It was when she confronted him to his face. It was when she told her best friend, Kennedy (Aisha Dee), what had happened, knowing it would hurt her. It was when she told Tyler (Nick Fink) she wasn’t ready to be intimate with him yet, without feeling like she needed to tell him why, and then when she told him she was ready. It was when she told Tyler that she didn’t want him to fight her battles for her. It was when she marched into the school office and reported her assault, knowing full well it might go nowhere. Her strength was in facing her trauma, which despite the assertion that this will make you weak, requires a lot of tears. Do you know what kind of courage lives in the ability to face those tears? Most people can’t do it. But being afraid to face your feelings and your fears isn’t weak either. We need to dispense with this idea that fear, tears, softness, vulnerability = weakness. Anyone can learn how to kick ass, but can those same people face their own sadness?
If you think about it, fighting, or kicking ass, is born out of anger. Any psychologist will tell you that anger is a secondary emotion, arising when one is either afraid or sad. It is a knee-jerk reaction that really doesn’t mean much. What Jules does in Sweet/Vicious is react to what happened to her with anger, but she doesn’t really begin to heal until she faces the fear and grief it caused. Her best friend, Kennedy, does the same thing. First, she doesn’t want to even face the truth of what Nate did, because it’s somehow easier to believe his lie that he cheated with Jules consensually. Then when she finally does face the truth, she comes out in full force advocating for Jules and turning her anger into action. Which isn’t a bad thing to do, but again, her healing doesn’t begin until she admits that even with all her anger and rage at what he did, she misses Nate and needs to grieve that relationship before she can move on. What I think is beautiful about that scene is another example of Jules’ immense strength and courage, because Jules tells her that it is okay for her to miss Nate. Why wouldn’t she? They had a relationship that meant something to Kennedy, and she needs to grieve that.
There is no one definition of a “strong woman.” It doesn’t just mean a woman who can kick ass at the drop of a hat. Maybe it’s the mother who goes on after the death of her partner or one of her children and is there for her remaining ones. Maybe it’s Erin Brockovich going after PG&E. Maybe it’s Rachel Green deciding she’s going to have a baby by herself without getting married. Maybe it’s Serena Williams saying “I’ll wear what I want to play tennis, thank you.”
I know there are a thousand examples, and I can’t think of them all while writing this article. I’ve mentioned some of my favorites here. Who are your favorite strong women?
Again, the images I use are not mine, and are only meant to make my point. Credit to thedirect.com and the other owners.
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