The Power of Role Models, and Why "Fangirling" Might Not Be Such a Bad Thing
This past Friday I had the AMAZING opportunity to attend the World Premiere of Dungeons and Dragons: Honor Among Thieves at SXSW in Austin, Texas. I've been following the movie since 2019 when it was announced that John Francis Daley and Jonathon Goldstein would be directing it- mind you I had never played the game before, and still haven't even though I did get a starter set for Christmas.
I was first introduced to Daley as the character of Dr. Lance Sweets, on Bones. If you've been following my blog for awhile, you know what a big deal that is. Bones was my comfort show during a time when I was really lonely in a house full of people, and after surviving the North Bay wildfires in 2017. I strongly believe that because the character is a psychologist, fueling my interest in psychology, that he's the reason it occurred to me to seek therapy when I started experiencing scary OCD symptoms. You may also remember from a previous blog post that he is my dream casting for my character Dan Smith.
I then found out that he was a writer (he wrote one of my favorite Bones episodes, in fact), and had written the soon-to-be-released Spider-Man: Homecoming with his partner Jonathon Goldstein. Soon after, I heard they were directing the movie Game Night, which became my 2nd favorite movie of 2018 (Christopher Robin was my first). The next year, I found out they were directing Dungeons and Dragons: Honor Among Thieves.
Meanwhile, I started pursuing film more seriously for the first time- odd that I didn't realize how into I was before since I'd been playing with my mom's camcorder and making up stories and worlds my entire life. I attended the Reel Stories Institute in June 2019, then their virtual program in 2020 and hybrid program in 2021. I also started at Los Angeles Film School, Digital Filmmaking Online in May of 2020, looking for something to keep me occupied and still pursue my dreams even during Covid.
My experience with the school has been amazing, but it was what I was dealing with in my own life through it that made it hard, starting in July of 2020. I found out that Daley and Goldstein were doing this charity auction where you could donate by bidding on the chance to have a half hour zoom call with them. I'd just started film school and thought "how amazing would that be???" To make what would be a long story short, my grandmother had a unusual amount of control over what I could and couldn't do, to put it mildly. When I told her about this thing, she got mad that I hadn't told her sooner, did not let me do it, and then later talked to me about how she wasn't going to help me spend that much money on something because I was "fangirling." Several people have told me now that there's nothing wrong with that to begin with, but she was saying it in a disparaging way- in a sense diminishing any "legitimate" admiration I had for them because of their kick-ass writing and directing (which was the whole reason I wanted to do the zoom call- to learn from people I admire). But, no, it was just me fangirling because of Sweets.
That was just the beginning. Five months later she had a series of massive strokes that left her bedridden. She spent a month in rehab, and then my mom and aunt took care of her when she came home. The month she came home, my ability to turn in assignments on time suffered. On my 24th birthday, she was put into hospice after being rushed to the ER unresponsive earlier that morning. My class that month was Directing I, and I never did turn in the last assignment, and did badly in my color correction class because that's when she died. Eventually, I took a month off school because I just did not have the soul energy to continue for the moment.
But then I was working on my pre-Capstone project, Bear Trek 2, keeping Daley and Goldstein and my other favorite director, Jenn Kaytin Robinson, at the forefront of my mind all through production. That summer, just as I began my second-to-last project that would lead into my Capstone, Dungeons and Dragons went to Comic Con, Jenn Kaytin Robinson had a Marvel movie she'd written coming out, and then announced a movie she directed days later. I was so energized from that that I couldn't wait to start on my final project. That project ended up being The Matts' Christmas, which shot in December, again with me channelling my inspirations the whole time.
Then at the premiere on Friday, I got up to the microphone during the Q&A and told them how much they'd inspired me and how much it meant to me to be there. Obviously, I couldn't tell them all the reasons why, but I'm sure it was in my voice. First, Goldstein told me they'd seen my tweets (WHAT???). Then Daley told me I was incredible and encouraged me to keep doing what I'm doing and following my dreams. My heart swelled and I felt so uplifted and seen. They hadn't even seen any of my work (that I know of), how would they know if I was incredible?
Which brings me to the power of role models and why "fangirling" is maybe not such a bad thing. I mean, fangirling has such a negative connotation to it, so I don't even really like to use that word. Everyone has someone they admire for some reason. Anything anyone is passionate about, there's always someone who came before them that they look up to. That is why it was so powerful for me to stand there, and listen as John Francis Daley looked right at me and told me I was incredible and to keep chasing my dreams. To get that validation from someone you look up to is priceless. To hear that from him after the hell I went through to get to this point, both with my grandmother and my mental health struggles, THAT was incredible. It fixed what happened with the zoom call. It fixes the invalidation I felt at being told I was just "fangirling"- more to the point, it validated me as a person and has a filmmaker. I think this is actually a vital part of being a student (in whatever area you're in). The same thing happened when Adam Young of Owl City congratulated me and my brother when we released our first EP as our band. It happened when we played a song on Rob Morgan's podcast and he was so pumped about it. It's hearing "you matter as an artist" from someone who came before you.
Which isn't to say that you have to have that validation in order to know you're a good artist. On the contrary, I don't know that everyone is as kind as Rob Morgan, Adam Young, Jonathon Goldstein, and John Francis Daley, so for some people that might not ever happen. However, you cannot deny the power it has, and one certainly should never diminish it, or diminish you as if you're just a crazy fan or something.
Bottom line, I am insanely grateful to have had this experience, and go see Dungeons and Dragons: Honor Among Thieves when it hits theaters on March 31st! It was so much fun!
I do not own the final pic, but I took the top pic.
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