Sensitivity Is a Gift, Not a Curse
Look, having anxiety is no fun. I get it. Sometimes I wish I didn't have to deal with it. I wish I didn't walk through the world worrying it was going to make me sick. I wish I could relax without fighting with my brain. I wish I didn't worry all the time if I had gotten enough to eat or eaten too much, or what I'm gonna eat next. Will I have enough food to get me through my work shift? What if I get sick on the plane? What if this thing that has never made me motion sick suddenly does? I wish I was normal and had been excited to get my license and learn to drive instead of being terrified of the prospect of having that much responsibility over the lives of myself and others. I wish I could be a normal 26-year-old instead of plagued with worry that I can't make it on my own. I wish I hadn't been insecure about whether people were hanging out with me because they wanted to or because I said I had no friends. I wish I didn't run almost every text I send by someone else because I'm afraid it sounds weird.
I wish I had a calm mind that didn't overthink. I wish I didn't care as much.
But do I? Let's dig deeper. Anxiety makes me feel all of those things I just said- but why?
Because I notice everything. I feel everything. My eyes, ears, mouth, nose, and heart are gathering so much information all the time that it's hard for me to process all of it at once. When babies cry, so do I. When the moth I tried to save from a cobweb died, I cried. Some people are overwhelming to me. Some people are comforting to the extent that I can block out the bustle that is overstimulating when I'm in their presence. Every song is an emotional memory. Some songs are agitating. Some are so soothing that, again, I can block out most of my surroundings when they play. I care deeply about how I make others feel, and the impact I have on the world. If I care about you, I care deeply and always want you to know that. If you tell me something that hurt you, all I want to do is give you a hug.
Would you rather I not care?
The only reason we wish we weren't so sensitive is because someone told us when we were very young that it was shameful. Maybe they said we would be too weak to survive this world. Did you know that anxious-sensitive people are actually some of the strongest people in the world? We only became anxious because we live in an insensitive world that can't tolerate our sensitivity- certainly not the fact that we notice everything. People use "woke" nowadays as the worst insult because they can't get away with mistreating people and the Earth when people pay attention. The world desperately needs sensitive people, because when we use that as a superpower instead of wishing it away like a hindrance, we will change the world- no, we will save the world. We will transform it into a sensitive, empathetic place, and hopefully, future generations won't have to grow up believing that there's something wrong with them because they can't tolerate a cruel world.
this is where. i get stuck, i write my comments then hit “