Cory McBrown: Year 1-Chapter 9

30th of October, 2001

Bart got home around dinner time, with tape on his nose. Not scotch tape. It was, like, medical tape or something. The nurse said he broke his nose. It certainly seemed like he did. That was a lot of blood for a non-broken nose. I mean, a lot of blood may be overdramatic, but it was more than a normal bloody nose. Believe me, Bart’s had those, and so have I. I got a nosebleed one time driving through the mountains of Killarney. It was an altitude thing. I admit Bart’s last bloody nose was my fault, as I accidentally elbowed him when we were playing basketball. But that was just a tiny nosebleed. He didn’t even need a Kleenex.

He didn’t talk to Mum, though. He said he was tired, and he didn’t want to talk about it. Mum seemed fine with that, but I could tell that that wasn’t going to be the last of that conversation.

And I was right.

We get home from school, do our homework, and have dinner as normal. I sit in my room, reading, and can hear Mum go into Bart’s room, which is right next to mine. My ears perk up. They’ve both said I’m an eavesdropper, and it’s true. Maybe that’s why their fights annoy me so much.

I hear Mum say. “Do you want to talk about what happened?”

“Not really,” Bart says.

“Mistress McDowell told me about McClaggen bullying you. How long has that been going on?”

“Mum, I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Bart, what is going on? I’m doing everything I can to support you and Cory, and I can see you’re both having a hard time, but you have to talk to me. Tell me what’s going on so I can help you.”

“You don’t know what’s going on for us?” Bart says. “You think Dad leaving was just dandy for us?”

“Of course I know that’s hard for you.”

“But you seemed really quick to replace him. Or did you even think we would have feelings about that?”

“Bart, we talked about Edward when I married him. Cory likes him. I know you haven’t ever really liked him, but I thought you were at least okay with it.” Mum says.

Bart says nothing for a moment. “What’s really going on, Bart?”

Again, nothing, for a moment. “You kicked him out. You told him to leave and he did. And you won’t talk to Cory about it, and she’s suffering because of it!”

“Cory’s twelve. She’s way too young to talk about why he left, and you know exactly why.”

“I was younger than her when he did. And he left because you kicked him out.”

“Bart, that is not the whole story. You know it’s not.”

“Then what is? Tell me what happened! Tell Cory the truth! She doesn’t even know that he’s still alive, and she thinks it was her fault that he left!”

“And someday we will talk about it. But she is too young to have that conversation with. She doesn’t need to be worrying about what happened.”

I get up and go into Bart’s room. “Excuse me! Don’t you think it should be up to me to decide what I can and can’t handle? You both keep telling me ‘I’m too young’, ‘I don’t need to worry about that’. Well, guess what? I’m already worrying about it! Every time you fight, I worry. Why do you think I ran to Sam and John’s the other night? Why do you think I’ve been having panic attacks at school? It’s not about Dad. It’s not about Edward. I’m not even stressed about classes. It’s because my Mum and my brother can’t get along and I’m sick of it! I’m sick of having to listen to you at each other’s throats, and I’m sick of feeling like one day I’m going to have to choose between you two. Why don’t you both grow up and let me be the kid?!”

I run out and quickly, but quietly, close the door. I kind of can’t believe that I had that kind of outburst, or that I told my mother to grow up?

I lie on my bed, resigning to the fact that I am going to die of mortification! Why did I open my big mouth? I’ve been keeping it in all month. Why now? Oh god, I really hope Edward didn’t hear any of that.

Maybe I should go live somewhere and become a hermit. Somewhere like the Sahara, or North Dakota. Then I won’t have to face the excruciating conversation I know is coming.

*Sigh*

There’s a knock on my door. “Come in,” I mumble in despair.

Mum opens it. “Honey, could you come back to Bart’s room for a minute?”

I sigh and get up. I’m in for it now, I think. We go into Bart’s room, where he is sitting up now.

“Can you sit down?” Mum is being a lot more kind and doesn’t seem as mad as I thought she would be.

I sit down. Mum sits in Bart’s desk chair. “First, I want to apologize to both of you. I haven’t talked to either of you at length about the circumstances of your father leaving. I was in the misguided belief that I was protecting you by not talking about him, but that isn’t fair to you. You both remember him being here, and you both remember him leaving.”

I nod. Mum continues. “First, I want to apologize to you, Bart. It hadn’t occurred to me that you didn’t catch all of what happened that night, even though you were there for it. And second, I want to apologize to you, Cory, because I never wanted you to think that it was your fault that he left.”

“Then why did he leave?” I start to cry. Bart puts his arm around me and Mum takes my hands.

“Your father was- is- an alcoholic. Do you know what that means?”

I nod. “It’s when you drink alcohol more than just occasionally and you can’t stop.”

“Some people drink every day and don’t have an addiction to it, but yes, you’re right. He had a problem your entire lives, and I tried to shield it from you for a long time… And, while I maintain that you, Cory, are too young to know the exact details, one day he went too far… And I gave him the choice to either get sober, or he had to leave, for yours and Bart’s safety… So he left.

“I didn’t expect him to leave and not come back, though. And I should’ve done more to help you guys through it, because baby… It was not your fault.”

“It wasn’t anyone’s fault,” Bart says, looking at Mum. They must’ve talked a little before bringing me in.

I cry for a minute. Then Mum says. “And as for the other thing, I am sorry for all of the fighting.”

“Me too,” Bart says.

“You are right. We told you not to worry but made you worry anyway, and that wasn’t fair. But things are going to be different now,” Mum says.

“No more fights?” I ask.

Mum shakes her head. “No more fights. We are going to have clear communication in this family from now on.”

I nod, and Bart nods. “Except during Mercury retrograde.”

I laugh. “Feel better?” Mum asks.

I wipe my eyes and nod. “Aye, I do.”

“Okay. You guys better get some sleep. You’ve got a big day tomorrow,” Mum says.

I hug Bart first, and then I hug Mum. I’m glad we finally sorted this out. Now I feel like I can sleep easy.

And I’m right. After I get my pajamas on and brush my teeth, the minute my head hits the pillow I fall asleep.